It's the dead of night in the dead of winter and bodies have been found, stacked ceiling high, in a hillside cave. The press, police and public have whipped each other into a panic over someone called "The Vampire Undertaker". Samuel and Magdalene Crimson (along with the Irish Coffey boys, Auntie Aileen and David Three Rats) have all the time in the world for danger, ice-sex and free-flowing beer and rum. Their daring attempts to right a wrong are well-seasoned with smutty bits -- every good plot deserves a little pepper.

Samuel Crimson, a most sought-after hybrid vampire, looks down at the empty chair. The four guards stand, one at each corner, with hands resting on gun butts, the leather snaps of their holsters open to allow quick access to their weapons. The female steps in to cut off Samuel's handcuffs then backs away. The fresh bruises on Samuel's face tingle with pain. He feels his swollen lips every time he swallows or speaks, and his eyes hurt every time he blinks. He pulls out the chair with his foot and gingerly sits, the tenderness in his groin and legs acute.

"Is it not illegal to take blood from someone who hasn't officially been arrested? What am I being held for?"

"Please extend one finger and then choose which arm you would like me to use," demands the professional, reaching across the table with a lancet to stick his finger. A length of tubing is laid out on the table, to tie around his upper arm.

"Did you hear my question?" asks Samuel. He thinks he sounds funny speaking with swollen lips. He reaches one hand across the table and his finger is pricked. The smear of blood is rubbed onto a small glass slide, which in turn, is inserted into the meter to test his hemoglobin level. The reading is normal.

"He's good to go," says the professional.

The female guard says, "Good. We don't want the big guy to faint on us, do we?"

This elicits a chuckle from the other guards. The professionals do not react.