Blog Dis
High fallutin' ideals
2024-01-02
"For the face, I grant, I might well blush to offer but the mind I shall never be ashamed to present," said Queen Elizabeth I, the virgin Queen, the heir of King Henry VIII, who ruled England with determination and panache, heralding a new era of English literature. Queen Elizabeth I is one of my female heroes, along with Catherine The Great, the wife of the last Czar of Russia who at the age of 55, took young soldiers into her bed as lovers, several in fact in their 20s (puh-lease... no horse jokes).
To be queen means to rule in a world that is predominantly run by the penis. Yes, we are now full-on into the new year of 2024 and as much as I hate to admit, we are still coping in a man's world. But the power of the minx shouldn't be understated, and Queen Elizabeth exemplifies this fact. So, if I were made Queen for a day, week, month, Heaven forbid one full year, I would pen with great consideration and most thoughtful care a list of aristocratic decrees in black script on sacred parchment, tied up with silk, then cast them out my window, from the tower of my Scottish castle, and give them to the people.
Henceforth forever more shall these decrees be heard and observed:
a) All doggies and kitties are permitted to run free and wild and no more shall a pet-owner be permitted to drop off their beloved so that a vet can cut off, cut out or remove a perfectly good set of testes or a fertile womb. People who protest eating meat confound me, as they're paradoxically against feral populations, but in order to do so they have to knowingly mutilate what is natural.
b) Wine, spirits and chocolate shall pour liberally from running fountains in city centers thereby allowing the houseless and less fortunate to imbibe in the same manner as our politicians do so behind closed doors, metaphorically speaking — to plan the next tax attack on an unsuspecting public, always in the new year, always during the big fanfare of releasing a budget, while never actually balancing said budget. [2024 began on Jan 1st, but in Canada new calendar year budgets for the Govt take effect April 1st, so Jan to end-March is the last quarter of the previous calendar year for spending what's left. Our politicians don't waste the opportunity to waste every last red cent, and I say this while gritting my teeth. I've yet to hear of one single government that doesn't operate with a deficit, which represents the interest accruing on the total national debt].
c) Jeans, leggings, wide-legged slacks, comfortable clothing is any shape or form will be encouraged in the workplace vs closed-toed shoes, starched shirts and suits and ties, skirts below the knee, all of which shall remain as optional yet are no longer mandatory.
d) The five-day work week shall be shrunk to four days. If this means working until 7 PM at night, you should be given the option to do so because it's not a terrible trade-off. It's a luxury to be able to enjoy three days off each and every weekend. Meaningful decompression takes time.
e) All national holidays will be doubled for adults and all P.E. days (physical education, apparently) for pre-high schoolers and high schoolers will be cut in half, to teach them what it means for their parents to work and work and work, only to receive zero appreciation from their offspring for sacrifices made to give them a cushy life, while trying to get ahead in life.
f) A parade will be held in the streets every quarter to commemorate artists and their dreams. Life without art is tasteless, meaningless, lacking in grandeur and vibrant sound and colour. Every culture that is revered is known for its art and architecture, not for having waged war. Living amicably with Artificial Intelligence, on the other hand, will be the real surprise for us all going forward.
g) Every billion dollar-plus corporation is obligated to cough up more in taxes. Getting these monster-sized companies to pay their fair share in taxes has been an exercise in deep-fake, thanks to the ease of being able to shelter hundreds of millions each year in profits into off-shore tax heavens. Slippery buggers.
h) Cashews and walnuts and peanuts shall be offered in abundance in parks for squirrels and chipmunks and groundhogs because these little critters are just trying to survive, like the rest of us.
i) Cyclists will be rewarded with an environmental incentive bonus, paid out quarterly. Biking to work, rather than driving, means less motorists who create more pollution. It's OK if the pace of life is slowed, to harken back to a period in the very old past when people enjoyed a picnic in a graveyard with the family. Take a moment to look at the gravestones, the next time you're whistling past a cemetery, and remind yourself that one day you, too, will be pushing up the daisies. Maybe if you're lucky, someone will stop at your headstone, point their finger and say, "Here lies quietly a really cool person who made plenty of noise when alive."
So endeth my decrees, which not surprisingly look an awful lot like ideals. But as I'm fond of saying, perhaps all too often, "Ideals are illusions."
To all who came before me, to all who come after me, follow me and I shall lead you to the Kingdom of Wisdom, wrapped up pretty like a chocolate truffle drop, sitting beside a sharp-tasting cider that is crisp, and poured to the brim. May you drink-in the new year in style.
To be queen means to rule in a world that is predominantly run by the penis. Yes, we are now full-on into the new year of 2024 and as much as I hate to admit, we are still coping in a man's world. But the power of the minx shouldn't be understated, and Queen Elizabeth exemplifies this fact. So, if I were made Queen for a day, week, month, Heaven forbid one full year, I would pen with great consideration and most thoughtful care a list of aristocratic decrees in black script on sacred parchment, tied up with silk, then cast them out my window, from the tower of my Scottish castle, and give them to the people.
Henceforth forever more shall these decrees be heard and observed:
a) All doggies and kitties are permitted to run free and wild and no more shall a pet-owner be permitted to drop off their beloved so that a vet can cut off, cut out or remove a perfectly good set of testes or a fertile womb. People who protest eating meat confound me, as they're paradoxically against feral populations, but in order to do so they have to knowingly mutilate what is natural.
b) Wine, spirits and chocolate shall pour liberally from running fountains in city centers thereby allowing the houseless and less fortunate to imbibe in the same manner as our politicians do so behind closed doors, metaphorically speaking — to plan the next tax attack on an unsuspecting public, always in the new year, always during the big fanfare of releasing a budget, while never actually balancing said budget. [2024 began on Jan 1st, but in Canada new calendar year budgets for the Govt take effect April 1st, so Jan to end-March is the last quarter of the previous calendar year for spending what's left. Our politicians don't waste the opportunity to waste every last red cent, and I say this while gritting my teeth. I've yet to hear of one single government that doesn't operate with a deficit, which represents the interest accruing on the total national debt].
c) Jeans, leggings, wide-legged slacks, comfortable clothing is any shape or form will be encouraged in the workplace vs closed-toed shoes, starched shirts and suits and ties, skirts below the knee, all of which shall remain as optional yet are no longer mandatory.
d) The five-day work week shall be shrunk to four days. If this means working until 7 PM at night, you should be given the option to do so because it's not a terrible trade-off. It's a luxury to be able to enjoy three days off each and every weekend. Meaningful decompression takes time.
e) All national holidays will be doubled for adults and all P.E. days (physical education, apparently) for pre-high schoolers and high schoolers will be cut in half, to teach them what it means for their parents to work and work and work, only to receive zero appreciation from their offspring for sacrifices made to give them a cushy life, while trying to get ahead in life.
f) A parade will be held in the streets every quarter to commemorate artists and their dreams. Life without art is tasteless, meaningless, lacking in grandeur and vibrant sound and colour. Every culture that is revered is known for its art and architecture, not for having waged war. Living amicably with Artificial Intelligence, on the other hand, will be the real surprise for us all going forward.
g) Every billion dollar-plus corporation is obligated to cough up more in taxes. Getting these monster-sized companies to pay their fair share in taxes has been an exercise in deep-fake, thanks to the ease of being able to shelter hundreds of millions each year in profits into off-shore tax heavens. Slippery buggers.
h) Cashews and walnuts and peanuts shall be offered in abundance in parks for squirrels and chipmunks and groundhogs because these little critters are just trying to survive, like the rest of us.
i) Cyclists will be rewarded with an environmental incentive bonus, paid out quarterly. Biking to work, rather than driving, means less motorists who create more pollution. It's OK if the pace of life is slowed, to harken back to a period in the very old past when people enjoyed a picnic in a graveyard with the family. Take a moment to look at the gravestones, the next time you're whistling past a cemetery, and remind yourself that one day you, too, will be pushing up the daisies. Maybe if you're lucky, someone will stop at your headstone, point their finger and say, "Here lies quietly a really cool person who made plenty of noise when alive."
So endeth my decrees, which not surprisingly look an awful lot like ideals. But as I'm fond of saying, perhaps all too often, "Ideals are illusions."
To all who came before me, to all who come after me, follow me and I shall lead you to the Kingdom of Wisdom, wrapped up pretty like a chocolate truffle drop, sitting beside a sharp-tasting cider that is crisp, and poured to the brim. May you drink-in the new year in style.
