Blog Dis
The Intangibles
2023-12-19
Quality of character is highly desired amongst the population of singles, and applicable too to those entering into a relationship. However, defining the ideal quality of character is what I call an intangible, something that can't readily be perceived by the act of touching, looking, or tasting. I think most could agree with that statement. I've observed one distinct difference: women look for the intangible in men, whereas men look for the tangible in women — physical beauty that comes with a welcoming smile and a willing spirit. We women are often regarded by men as complicated, whether this quality of character is indoctrinated into us or we're born with it is a statement that forever remains open to argument.
Sometimes the best source of wisdom can be sought from those who've experienced more in life by virtue of having lived longer. I asked one woman, married for 35 years, age of 70; she's earned the right to express an opinion on the intangible qualities of the male character. Brace yourself, for the following isn't a popular notion. She replied, without so much as batting one eyelash, "If you work on the basis that all men are semi-idiots, everything they do will make perfect sense to you." I couldn't help myself and I broke up laughing, yet I was also incredulous. Her statement encompassed "all" the male species which is a prejudice that has clearly tainted her views. She went further on to qualify her opinion, "and if you're a woman and you marry a man, he'll contribute 20% in the marriage and take out 80%, while the woman will contribute 80% and take out 20%. Therefore, any woman foolish enough to get married and believe otherwise is just dumb."
Sweet Jesus. This woman was essentially saying to me that men are selfish, semi-idiots and women are dumb for getting involved with them in the first place. Undaunted, I then solicited the input from a younger woman, just to provide some counter-balance, 26 years old, not mature but neither a bunny fresh off the farm. Her take, "I want my next boyfriend to have integrity, to be able to count on him, to know that he's not lying to me." Now, if I had told this to the older woman, I'm sure she'd have rolled her eyes.
Integrity is one of those intangibles, something that cannot be touched but clearly has value. We spoke at greater length, this young lassie and me, and I was compelled to throw my opinion into the hat, just for the helluvit. I agreed with her that integrity is an awesome quality to find in anyone, much less a man, but that I would also hope to find a thriving sense of self-deprecating humour, someone who doesn't take themselves too seriously, and who's in possession of a spine, able to meet confrontations head on without hiding behind the art of running for the hills.
The young woman agreed with me, so I thanked her for her honesty. I left our conversation not necessarily the wiser though certainly with a smile on my face. Wanting to capture the intangibles is analogous to arranging perfect weather to suit every occasion. I then queried an older man (mid 50s) on the subject of what character traits he looks for in a woman, to which he replied, not missing a beat, "I love pussy. I can never get enough of it," was all he said, men being of a less communicative nature of course.😅On a daily basis, apparently, women will use anywhere from 7,000 to 10,000 words vs men who on average speak only 1,000 words per day. His terse comment made me giggle, yet it made perfect sense owing to him being a professed womanizer. I didn't see the point in pressing him further for the specifics about his love for this particular female body part — his comments were self-explanatory with little ambiguity; he had a specific yardstick of one simple desire and perhaps this by design might yield him the biggest results by virtue of having the least amount of expectations.
Finally, I dialogued with a younger man, mid-30s, who delicately weighed in on the subject of what character trait(s) he seeks in a woman. He ended up talking about body type. He, too, was specific in his preference, citing, "I prefer a luscious, curvy woman as they are more agreeable. The really skinny ones often seem angry to me." In my mind, as I listened to him, I had swapped up his word of angry for 'hangry'; seems more fitting because I've observed that it applies to not just women but to men as well, and much depends on their eating habits, frequency and quality of nutrition.
If we hold up a mirror to ourselves and look long and hard at our quality of character, we would be remiss in failing to see that our character is riddled with flaws. Maybe you're of the mindset that listening skills are far more important than integrity. I know I've endured many a conversation with friends addicted to interrupting. It's all I can do to put my index finger to their lips to politely tell them to shut up and just listen. And perhaps too punctuality carries a higher standard for you than a sense of humour. We all know how the very busy individuals of this world are huge on punctuality, to avoid wasting their time. Personally, I appreciate punctuality when I'm on a first date or if I'm going through the trouble to make a lovely dinner, then I appreciate when they show up on time. Yet, punctuality isn't a deal-breaker with me. I have some dear friends who are perpetually late, and not so coincidentally, they are master procrastinators.
The intangibles are highly desired because of their intangibility. We strive to find certain qualities in an individual that possibly are lacking in ourselves. As I evolve beyond the category of bubble-headed youth, I've discovered that the one quality I look for in a man is the willingness to apply a sense of fair play, to treat a partner and all people this way all the time, evenly across the board. I admit too that I'm turned on by a man who can forgive and forget, and who has the guts to stand behind his word, regardless of how much money, sex or power is available to him. And if by this logic, he is a man of fair play, a woman might conclude then that he's a straight-shooter.
All to say, the intangibles can have tangibility; it all depends on perspective, where you look and what you're looking for in the other person right from the outset.
Sometimes the best source of wisdom can be sought from those who've experienced more in life by virtue of having lived longer. I asked one woman, married for 35 years, age of 70; she's earned the right to express an opinion on the intangible qualities of the male character. Brace yourself, for the following isn't a popular notion. She replied, without so much as batting one eyelash, "If you work on the basis that all men are semi-idiots, everything they do will make perfect sense to you." I couldn't help myself and I broke up laughing, yet I was also incredulous. Her statement encompassed "all" the male species which is a prejudice that has clearly tainted her views. She went further on to qualify her opinion, "and if you're a woman and you marry a man, he'll contribute 20% in the marriage and take out 80%, while the woman will contribute 80% and take out 20%. Therefore, any woman foolish enough to get married and believe otherwise is just dumb."
Sweet Jesus. This woman was essentially saying to me that men are selfish, semi-idiots and women are dumb for getting involved with them in the first place. Undaunted, I then solicited the input from a younger woman, just to provide some counter-balance, 26 years old, not mature but neither a bunny fresh off the farm. Her take, "I want my next boyfriend to have integrity, to be able to count on him, to know that he's not lying to me." Now, if I had told this to the older woman, I'm sure she'd have rolled her eyes.
Integrity is one of those intangibles, something that cannot be touched but clearly has value. We spoke at greater length, this young lassie and me, and I was compelled to throw my opinion into the hat, just for the helluvit. I agreed with her that integrity is an awesome quality to find in anyone, much less a man, but that I would also hope to find a thriving sense of self-deprecating humour, someone who doesn't take themselves too seriously, and who's in possession of a spine, able to meet confrontations head on without hiding behind the art of running for the hills.
The young woman agreed with me, so I thanked her for her honesty. I left our conversation not necessarily the wiser though certainly with a smile on my face. Wanting to capture the intangibles is analogous to arranging perfect weather to suit every occasion. I then queried an older man (mid 50s) on the subject of what character traits he looks for in a woman, to which he replied, not missing a beat, "I love pussy. I can never get enough of it," was all he said, men being of a less communicative nature of course.😅On a daily basis, apparently, women will use anywhere from 7,000 to 10,000 words vs men who on average speak only 1,000 words per day. His terse comment made me giggle, yet it made perfect sense owing to him being a professed womanizer. I didn't see the point in pressing him further for the specifics about his love for this particular female body part — his comments were self-explanatory with little ambiguity; he had a specific yardstick of one simple desire and perhaps this by design might yield him the biggest results by virtue of having the least amount of expectations.
Finally, I dialogued with a younger man, mid-30s, who delicately weighed in on the subject of what character trait(s) he seeks in a woman. He ended up talking about body type. He, too, was specific in his preference, citing, "I prefer a luscious, curvy woman as they are more agreeable. The really skinny ones often seem angry to me." In my mind, as I listened to him, I had swapped up his word of angry for 'hangry'; seems more fitting because I've observed that it applies to not just women but to men as well, and much depends on their eating habits, frequency and quality of nutrition.
If we hold up a mirror to ourselves and look long and hard at our quality of character, we would be remiss in failing to see that our character is riddled with flaws. Maybe you're of the mindset that listening skills are far more important than integrity. I know I've endured many a conversation with friends addicted to interrupting. It's all I can do to put my index finger to their lips to politely tell them to shut up and just listen. And perhaps too punctuality carries a higher standard for you than a sense of humour. We all know how the very busy individuals of this world are huge on punctuality, to avoid wasting their time. Personally, I appreciate punctuality when I'm on a first date or if I'm going through the trouble to make a lovely dinner, then I appreciate when they show up on time. Yet, punctuality isn't a deal-breaker with me. I have some dear friends who are perpetually late, and not so coincidentally, they are master procrastinators.
The intangibles are highly desired because of their intangibility. We strive to find certain qualities in an individual that possibly are lacking in ourselves. As I evolve beyond the category of bubble-headed youth, I've discovered that the one quality I look for in a man is the willingness to apply a sense of fair play, to treat a partner and all people this way all the time, evenly across the board. I admit too that I'm turned on by a man who can forgive and forget, and who has the guts to stand behind his word, regardless of how much money, sex or power is available to him. And if by this logic, he is a man of fair play, a woman might conclude then that he's a straight-shooter.
All to say, the intangibles can have tangibility; it all depends on perspective, where you look and what you're looking for in the other person right from the outset.
