Blog Dis
Is it degrading to want to be degraded?
2025-03-06
If you were one of the many who dialed into the hugely popular HBO show Billions, then you're familiar with the opening scene of Paul Giamatti being dominated by his wife, without me having to go into the details as to what his wife was specifically doing to him. [Hint: the initial scene shows her high heel planted on his chest]. Well OK. Twist my arm. Here's the long answer: his character, a prominent executive, the U.S. Attorney, admits in a later season he's a masochist and, as a masochist, he cannot enjoy sexual pleasure unless a sadist inflicts pain or humiliation on him. This appears to be a standard understanding with the majority of masochists in order for them to thoroughly enjoy sexual experiences — for a masochist without a sadist would be akin to an ice-cream sundae without the chocolate sugary sauce drizzled over top.
The subject of dominance and submission is well delineated in literature with such luminary figures as the Marquis de Sade and his gargantuan book 120 Days of Sodom and an Austrian writer and journalist by the name of Leopold von Sacher-Masoch, whose erotic novels and name became synonymous with psycho-sexuality — the word masochism is derived from his surname, in actuality. The writings of these men are not modern in any sense of the word and if you venture to read them you'll find the writing a tad tedious, as I did in reading 120 Days of Sodom. But they fully illustrate the peculiarities of human desire and the need to express sexuality in a truthful manner, even if that truth is deemed as vile by someone else. Here I'd like to point out to you, my gentle readers, that we're dealing with the realm of human sexuality and this implies there are no strict rules, other than what judiciary laws decree and, even then, many believe that governments have no business being in the bedroom of consenting couples-emphasis on consenting.
Admittedly, I've felt pangs of anxiety writing some portions of my first novel, The Crimson Man, in particular the r>pe scene of one character. Allow me to briefly highlight the story's internal logic. The r>pe scene is integral to my story on two counts:
(1) there has to be a consequence that is severe enough as a reaction to a previous action taken and;
(2) there needs to be context that serves to define the simulated r>pe fantasy sequences vs the actual r>pe scene. In other words, one is fantasy and one is r>pe and there's a difference between the two insofar that one brings pleasure and the latter is about power and control, brutality and despair.
Context over content is an old argument but one I feel is relevant. If you judge something based on content alone, whose moral standard do you use? But if you judge something based on context, then there should be no moral standard, only a vehicle that allows intellectual discourse within an adult forum. Enter the picture of a husband and wife engaging in what many in the industry refer to as hard play.
These are big thoughts for such an innocent day, given that I post my blog typically in the morning, when the cobwebs have yet to be fully shaken from the head, whether through coffee or umpteen demands being placed on you at work. So here for your consumption, to light a fire under those toes, tucked nicely into the bed sheets, if you're still in bed and you're reading this late at night on your mobile or tablet, the review of my first novel:
--------------------
The Crimson Man (A Fantasy) is a thoroughly erotic tale combining the threads of vampires and BDSM in addition to the center thread of a woman who finds such fulfilment in her marriage that she is empowered to act out her every fantasy, no matter how ostensibly extreme. Magdalene surrenders her career and her apparently fairly sheltered upbringing to wed the organic agriculturist, Samuel Crimson. One of Samuel's side organic farming activities is marketing in a certain naturally-grown controlled substance. His additional backdrop includes being an unusual type of hybrid vampire, one composed simultaneously of vampire and human traits. He survives daylight perfectly well and doesn't require the drinking of blood. He does, however, find Magdalene incredibly rich and fertile soil for his creative imagination and goes about introducing her to the wonders of the BDSM lifestyle to which she responds like a flower to water. A few of his suggestions, however, seem a little odd to her, and the reviewer will not detail these here. Let's jut say they are graphic, explicit, and some readers might find them quite unpleasant. Meanwhile, Magdalene flowers into a constantly lusty female who explores the sensual side of human nature both in the daytime, which is hers to rule, and in the nighttime, which belongs to Samuel.
Some portions of this story will require the reader to be strong of stomach. As the author notes, this is intended to be a novel of erotica and it definitely achieves its goal. At times, it also approaches lyricism with prose that flows nearly poetically. The descriptions of BDSM activities and lifestyle are detailed almost as if to educate the reader, which is rare. The author has a definite gift for descriptive setting and flowery details.
-----------------------
The review pretty much sums of my first novel. You are welcome to treat yourself to a copy and find out for yourself. https://patriciakmccarthy.com/shop/
To answer my own question: No it isn't degrading to want to be degraded, in a sexual sense, so long as you are content with the level of trust developed between you and your partner. What others think is irrelevant.
And should you go wondering online to find episodes of Billions, I highly recommend this series for its fast-paced storylines, its twists and turns, and for the outstanding acting all around. Props especially to Giamatti for his fearless acting. Never before have I seen a male actor expose themselves with complete and total abandon. I'm not into the BDSM scene. The most adventurous I've experimented with is playing with blindfolds to heighten my sensory reactions. If you try this low-level form, it means you have to give up a sense of control, to trust your partner implicitly. This is pretty much as far as I'm personally willing to go because the thought of being hog-tied and vulnerable freaks me out.
And then there are the scenes with Paul Giamatti 🥳
The subject of dominance and submission is well delineated in literature with such luminary figures as the Marquis de Sade and his gargantuan book 120 Days of Sodom and an Austrian writer and journalist by the name of Leopold von Sacher-Masoch, whose erotic novels and name became synonymous with psycho-sexuality — the word masochism is derived from his surname, in actuality. The writings of these men are not modern in any sense of the word and if you venture to read them you'll find the writing a tad tedious, as I did in reading 120 Days of Sodom. But they fully illustrate the peculiarities of human desire and the need to express sexuality in a truthful manner, even if that truth is deemed as vile by someone else. Here I'd like to point out to you, my gentle readers, that we're dealing with the realm of human sexuality and this implies there are no strict rules, other than what judiciary laws decree and, even then, many believe that governments have no business being in the bedroom of consenting couples-emphasis on consenting.
Admittedly, I've felt pangs of anxiety writing some portions of my first novel, The Crimson Man, in particular the r>pe scene of one character. Allow me to briefly highlight the story's internal logic. The r>pe scene is integral to my story on two counts:
(1) there has to be a consequence that is severe enough as a reaction to a previous action taken and;
(2) there needs to be context that serves to define the simulated r>pe fantasy sequences vs the actual r>pe scene. In other words, one is fantasy and one is r>pe and there's a difference between the two insofar that one brings pleasure and the latter is about power and control, brutality and despair.
Context over content is an old argument but one I feel is relevant. If you judge something based on content alone, whose moral standard do you use? But if you judge something based on context, then there should be no moral standard, only a vehicle that allows intellectual discourse within an adult forum. Enter the picture of a husband and wife engaging in what many in the industry refer to as hard play.
These are big thoughts for such an innocent day, given that I post my blog typically in the morning, when the cobwebs have yet to be fully shaken from the head, whether through coffee or umpteen demands being placed on you at work. So here for your consumption, to light a fire under those toes, tucked nicely into the bed sheets, if you're still in bed and you're reading this late at night on your mobile or tablet, the review of my first novel:
--------------------
The Crimson Man (A Fantasy) is a thoroughly erotic tale combining the threads of vampires and BDSM in addition to the center thread of a woman who finds such fulfilment in her marriage that she is empowered to act out her every fantasy, no matter how ostensibly extreme. Magdalene surrenders her career and her apparently fairly sheltered upbringing to wed the organic agriculturist, Samuel Crimson. One of Samuel's side organic farming activities is marketing in a certain naturally-grown controlled substance. His additional backdrop includes being an unusual type of hybrid vampire, one composed simultaneously of vampire and human traits. He survives daylight perfectly well and doesn't require the drinking of blood. He does, however, find Magdalene incredibly rich and fertile soil for his creative imagination and goes about introducing her to the wonders of the BDSM lifestyle to which she responds like a flower to water. A few of his suggestions, however, seem a little odd to her, and the reviewer will not detail these here. Let's jut say they are graphic, explicit, and some readers might find them quite unpleasant. Meanwhile, Magdalene flowers into a constantly lusty female who explores the sensual side of human nature both in the daytime, which is hers to rule, and in the nighttime, which belongs to Samuel.
Some portions of this story will require the reader to be strong of stomach. As the author notes, this is intended to be a novel of erotica and it definitely achieves its goal. At times, it also approaches lyricism with prose that flows nearly poetically. The descriptions of BDSM activities and lifestyle are detailed almost as if to educate the reader, which is rare. The author has a definite gift for descriptive setting and flowery details.
-----------------------
The review pretty much sums of my first novel. You are welcome to treat yourself to a copy and find out for yourself. https://patriciakmccarthy.com/shop/
To answer my own question: No it isn't degrading to want to be degraded, in a sexual sense, so long as you are content with the level of trust developed between you and your partner. What others think is irrelevant.
And should you go wondering online to find episodes of Billions, I highly recommend this series for its fast-paced storylines, its twists and turns, and for the outstanding acting all around. Props especially to Giamatti for his fearless acting. Never before have I seen a male actor expose themselves with complete and total abandon. I'm not into the BDSM scene. The most adventurous I've experimented with is playing with blindfolds to heighten my sensory reactions. If you try this low-level form, it means you have to give up a sense of control, to trust your partner implicitly. This is pretty much as far as I'm personally willing to go because the thought of being hog-tied and vulnerable freaks me out.
And then there are the scenes with Paul Giamatti 🥳
