Blog Dis
Bend over, if you please
2025-10-30
Get used to taking it up the a** when you write. If you want to promote... er... that is pimp your work, at some point in time in this journey called writing, you'll have to take it up the a** in the metaphorical sense. These were the sage words of advice, imparted to me by a seasoned professional with years experience in the public relations business.
Simple is succinct.
Another example is breaking open your snap purse to purchase advertising online vis-a-vis the plethora of social networks, all of which are more than thrilled to take your dollars to pitch your wares to online readers. There was a time when buying advertisements in a major newspaper or magazine was an acceptable and effective way to get your word out. Yet, the days of newsprint, magazines or newsletters have long been subjugated by online subscriptions, sad as this reality is, and this defacto standard has been the case for easily two decades. Yes, there are still newspapers in the world. I see these wily paper thingies sometimes when I fly through airports, and when I enter grocery stores or the dentist's office, magazines that have been ruffled from underneath the couch, and placed on top of the pile of National Geographic magazines.
But I'm actually referring to those awesome old days of the daily newspapers that were stuffed into the boxes on street corners. You weren't expected to purchase a subscriptions, though you could; the boxes gave you the power to buy the paper on the days that held the most meaning to you, such as the Friday issue, which held the upcoming events and movie reviews, or the Saturday edition which offered three times the content than any other day of the week.
I'm less likely to lament about what has passed in my life because I like to keep my eyeballs on the carrot in front of me, like the horse before the cart, hungry for the carrot barely within reach, yet unreachable. I miss reading the newspaper, that leisure activity on Saturday morning of tearing apart the paper, setting aside my favourite sections, and reading each out of order, after which I'd carefully put the newspaper back together, for someone else to read. Where I work, at one point in time, at least eight years ago, the office services budget would purchase annual subscriptions to three national newspapers, and it was a real treat to have access to them, to mull over editorials while waiting for my lunch to heat up in the microwave.
This month I appear to be posting more about the trial and tribulations of being an Indie author, and I suspect this is due to having reached the one year mark when I released my seventh novel POM in October 2024. My, oh my, how time flies like a skilled hawk soaring effortlessly on erratic currents of air with nary a care for the passage of years. Authors have to consider these facts. Word of mouth, perhaps the least expensive of all marketing routes, takes time to ferment, and maybe too plenty of Amazon reviews or wherever you sell your eBooks and paperbacks.
I haven't lost that buzz, though I often reflect back on those older feelings when I was actively chasing. To be precise, I'm speaking of the chase for the writing Catch-22 dream, despite knowing that it would be miraculous if by chance I was able grab this Catch-22. You see, for years I chased a writing dream and when I say dream, I'm not referring to a six figure publishing contract. Rather, I'm referring to the freedom of writing and only writing, without having the obligation to slog it out at a nine-to-five job, to support myself. How this state of freedom to write and only to write is accomplished cannot be knowingly engineered to perfection. I've heard stories of those who fell into luck and stardom by accident. One of the best examples is J.K. Rowling, whose first Harry Potter manuscript was thrown onto the rejects pile, ready to be sent to the recycling bin. Then, one morning, an editor on route to another city in the UK had desired a manuscript to read on the train, so he mindlessly picked up the copy of Harry Potter and realized what he held in his hands, despite this very same manuscript having already been scrutinized by editors and summarily discarded.
I don't believe in luck when I'm feeling unlucky and similarly, when I'm feeling lucky, I don't attribute my good fortune to luck! Ha! I get to be irrational if and when I choose to be, right?
There's another story that comes to mind of an Indie author by the name of Charlaine Harris, who wrote the indie Sookie Stackhouse series of vampire novels. She was happy with her small following, and happy as an indie author, until one day an Executive Producer read one of her books, liked it, and reached out to option her series to become the immensely popular TV series True Blood. Charlaine couldn't have engineered these chain of events, if a brilliant marketing manager had devised a master plan. Instead, she focused on her craft, went about her day job, enjoyed her anonymity without complaint, until her life changed through unanticipated circumstances beyond her control.
All to say, a Catch-22 comes in many forms. The reality is that most publishers don't want to be bothered with an aspiring author unless they're represented by a literary agent and most agents don't want to bother with an author unless a publisher has shown interest in them. Therefore, boys and girls, to catch this impenetrable Catch-22, you may have to bend over and offer your posterior, all bright and shiny, with zero pimples, no toilet paper clinging between your cheeks, and spread them cheeks far and wide and say with deep conviction, "Yes, Mr. Publisher, I do want you to publish my novel or agree to promote it to another source who may in turn option it to become a series."
Trouble is the majority of publishers are not willing to do much work. They want you to do it all, and then for them to be able to take the lion's share of each book sale, and for you to cover every promotional cost on your own. But as an indie author, you're not playing this game of 'pick-me' because you've gone the independent route. Along the way you may discover, as I did, that I've actually been living my writing dream the entire time I've been working full-time and writing: to write the story I want to read, to choose the graphic designer and image that I want on my final cover
@fantasy_art_z
and then to work with a web designer to create the author site that I want to see. This is the intoxicant of being an indie author — you're not chasing the end result, the so-called dream, rather you are living and writing, and being creative because this is the real journey, the real diamond in the rough, never mind this illusive Catch-22.
Editors, too, are your friends, and not your enemies! Admittedly, it often feels like editors are sticking it into you, like some red-hot poker that doesn't belong where it's been placed. Know, however, that your editors are helping to perfect your product, and a perfected product helps to promote your work.
The art of succeeding in any business isn't a pretty sight. I've heard of similar tales of photographers trying to break into the photography business which is as equally cut-throat as the publishing business, like most businesses that dip their big toe into the artistic competitive pond. Only a few get in and only a rare few are willing to stick with it, year after year. More to the point, an even rarer few will wind up in a place that they had never seen coming in the first place. Then again, the same applies to the music industry and to fashion designers.
Most hugely successful people can trace their success, its turning point, to one person.
At least I've got the temerity to admit the truth. Indie authors pimp and promote to success, hoping to reach the stars. After all the excitement has died down from your newest novel release, and the dust has settled from your launch of one year past, you have just your face to look at in the mirror, and you must be able to say to yourself with sincerity and convention, that while I'm able to take it up the proverbial, like no other, the bottom line is that I love to write, to work hard at writing, and most of all to follow my convictions. So, my friends, I'll be researching marketing options, blogs of readers with followings, upcoming author events in the city I love, Ottawa, as well as working with another author to create our own event that can be pimped with street posters and the like.
Onward and upward.
Halloweenie lands on Friday, October 31st, and doesn't this just sound like the perfect night to host a huge costume party? You can always dress to impress in an outfit that showcases your posterior, tho' I highly recommend that you apply a thick layer of cream-colored paint to cover up your private parts, while also giving the impression that you're not wearing clothing.
There's nothing wrong with taking it up the posterior, incidentally, and not that this is my preference, which it most certainly isn't, but a little humility goes a long way.
Simple is succinct.
Another example is breaking open your snap purse to purchase advertising online vis-a-vis the plethora of social networks, all of which are more than thrilled to take your dollars to pitch your wares to online readers. There was a time when buying advertisements in a major newspaper or magazine was an acceptable and effective way to get your word out. Yet, the days of newsprint, magazines or newsletters have long been subjugated by online subscriptions, sad as this reality is, and this defacto standard has been the case for easily two decades. Yes, there are still newspapers in the world. I see these wily paper thingies sometimes when I fly through airports, and when I enter grocery stores or the dentist's office, magazines that have been ruffled from underneath the couch, and placed on top of the pile of National Geographic magazines.
But I'm actually referring to those awesome old days of the daily newspapers that were stuffed into the boxes on street corners. You weren't expected to purchase a subscriptions, though you could; the boxes gave you the power to buy the paper on the days that held the most meaning to you, such as the Friday issue, which held the upcoming events and movie reviews, or the Saturday edition which offered three times the content than any other day of the week.
I'm less likely to lament about what has passed in my life because I like to keep my eyeballs on the carrot in front of me, like the horse before the cart, hungry for the carrot barely within reach, yet unreachable. I miss reading the newspaper, that leisure activity on Saturday morning of tearing apart the paper, setting aside my favourite sections, and reading each out of order, after which I'd carefully put the newspaper back together, for someone else to read. Where I work, at one point in time, at least eight years ago, the office services budget would purchase annual subscriptions to three national newspapers, and it was a real treat to have access to them, to mull over editorials while waiting for my lunch to heat up in the microwave.
This month I appear to be posting more about the trial and tribulations of being an Indie author, and I suspect this is due to having reached the one year mark when I released my seventh novel POM in October 2024. My, oh my, how time flies like a skilled hawk soaring effortlessly on erratic currents of air with nary a care for the passage of years. Authors have to consider these facts. Word of mouth, perhaps the least expensive of all marketing routes, takes time to ferment, and maybe too plenty of Amazon reviews or wherever you sell your eBooks and paperbacks.
I haven't lost that buzz, though I often reflect back on those older feelings when I was actively chasing. To be precise, I'm speaking of the chase for the writing Catch-22 dream, despite knowing that it would be miraculous if by chance I was able grab this Catch-22. You see, for years I chased a writing dream and when I say dream, I'm not referring to a six figure publishing contract. Rather, I'm referring to the freedom of writing and only writing, without having the obligation to slog it out at a nine-to-five job, to support myself. How this state of freedom to write and only to write is accomplished cannot be knowingly engineered to perfection. I've heard stories of those who fell into luck and stardom by accident. One of the best examples is J.K. Rowling, whose first Harry Potter manuscript was thrown onto the rejects pile, ready to be sent to the recycling bin. Then, one morning, an editor on route to another city in the UK had desired a manuscript to read on the train, so he mindlessly picked up the copy of Harry Potter and realized what he held in his hands, despite this very same manuscript having already been scrutinized by editors and summarily discarded.
I don't believe in luck when I'm feeling unlucky and similarly, when I'm feeling lucky, I don't attribute my good fortune to luck! Ha! I get to be irrational if and when I choose to be, right?
There's another story that comes to mind of an Indie author by the name of Charlaine Harris, who wrote the indie Sookie Stackhouse series of vampire novels. She was happy with her small following, and happy as an indie author, until one day an Executive Producer read one of her books, liked it, and reached out to option her series to become the immensely popular TV series True Blood. Charlaine couldn't have engineered these chain of events, if a brilliant marketing manager had devised a master plan. Instead, she focused on her craft, went about her day job, enjoyed her anonymity without complaint, until her life changed through unanticipated circumstances beyond her control.
All to say, a Catch-22 comes in many forms. The reality is that most publishers don't want to be bothered with an aspiring author unless they're represented by a literary agent and most agents don't want to bother with an author unless a publisher has shown interest in them. Therefore, boys and girls, to catch this impenetrable Catch-22, you may have to bend over and offer your posterior, all bright and shiny, with zero pimples, no toilet paper clinging between your cheeks, and spread them cheeks far and wide and say with deep conviction, "Yes, Mr. Publisher, I do want you to publish my novel or agree to promote it to another source who may in turn option it to become a series."
Trouble is the majority of publishers are not willing to do much work. They want you to do it all, and then for them to be able to take the lion's share of each book sale, and for you to cover every promotional cost on your own. But as an indie author, you're not playing this game of 'pick-me' because you've gone the independent route. Along the way you may discover, as I did, that I've actually been living my writing dream the entire time I've been working full-time and writing: to write the story I want to read, to choose the graphic designer and image that I want on my final cover
@fantasy_art_z
and then to work with a web designer to create the author site that I want to see. This is the intoxicant of being an indie author — you're not chasing the end result, the so-called dream, rather you are living and writing, and being creative because this is the real journey, the real diamond in the rough, never mind this illusive Catch-22.
Editors, too, are your friends, and not your enemies! Admittedly, it often feels like editors are sticking it into you, like some red-hot poker that doesn't belong where it's been placed. Know, however, that your editors are helping to perfect your product, and a perfected product helps to promote your work.
The art of succeeding in any business isn't a pretty sight. I've heard of similar tales of photographers trying to break into the photography business which is as equally cut-throat as the publishing business, like most businesses that dip their big toe into the artistic competitive pond. Only a few get in and only a rare few are willing to stick with it, year after year. More to the point, an even rarer few will wind up in a place that they had never seen coming in the first place. Then again, the same applies to the music industry and to fashion designers.
Most hugely successful people can trace their success, its turning point, to one person.
At least I've got the temerity to admit the truth. Indie authors pimp and promote to success, hoping to reach the stars. After all the excitement has died down from your newest novel release, and the dust has settled from your launch of one year past, you have just your face to look at in the mirror, and you must be able to say to yourself with sincerity and convention, that while I'm able to take it up the proverbial, like no other, the bottom line is that I love to write, to work hard at writing, and most of all to follow my convictions. So, my friends, I'll be researching marketing options, blogs of readers with followings, upcoming author events in the city I love, Ottawa, as well as working with another author to create our own event that can be pimped with street posters and the like.
Onward and upward.
Halloweenie lands on Friday, October 31st, and doesn't this just sound like the perfect night to host a huge costume party? You can always dress to impress in an outfit that showcases your posterior, tho' I highly recommend that you apply a thick layer of cream-colored paint to cover up your private parts, while also giving the impression that you're not wearing clothing.
There's nothing wrong with taking it up the posterior, incidentally, and not that this is my preference, which it most certainly isn't, but a little humility goes a long way.
