Blog Dis
K*ll them with kindness...
2026-06-25
"Old people are just mean," she declared to me, "and old men are even meaner." This blunt statement had demonstrated zero ambiguity, and left nothing open to interpretation. Though, my imagination immediately pulled up a cliche of an elderly man or woman, sitting in their rocking chair, on the porch, with a cane in one hand, and their disgruntled thoughts held in the palm of their other hand, ready and willing to swing that cane like a weapon at young persons passing by them.
None of us are ready. When I say this I mean without hesitation—not a single one of us is even remotely ready for getting older because none of us are in the habit of imagining what it will be like to get really old, so old and [possibly] decrepit that your basic senses have all been dulled, and parts of your body have long shut down years ago, along with what used to be your sunny disposition.
I didn't think this state of being 'old', or as I prefer to call the term 'older' or 'evolved' would take such a huge bite out of an elderly family member, without signaling to you specifically about whom I'm speaking. It's enough to acknowledge that dealing with an elderly individual is not a best-case scenario when their health and cognitive abilities are on the decline, on a sliding scale that is highly unlikely to turnaround in the opposite direction. I can only tell you with first-hand knowledge that their level of kindness, if it had existed at all in prior years, will all but evaporate.
Old age isn't kind to the old. Put that small tidbit and obvious piece of irony in your pipe and take a big haul.
A part of the elderly, well at least emotionally, is able to comprehend that they need to continue to be kind to the persons who arrive on-site to be of assistance. Nine times out of ten, however, their behavior toward these young persons and sometimes mature workers too is nothing short of rude, off-putting and downright mean. The individuals hired to provide help to them, as part of their job, are there to ensure they take a regular shower, get dressed, and to clean up after them, if an unanticipated mess has been made, such as not being able to move fast enough to get to the washroom, as well as to ensure their living quarters are neat and tidy. Only, these social workers are subjected to the rough moods of their clients. So when I take the time to explain to an elderly family member that the manner in which they're behaving toward these caretakers is horrible, and unnecessary, I end up making them feel like a heel, while I walk away with the same feeling that I, too, should have been more kind toward them.
Kindness is a coin with two sides; one heads and one tails and at the end of the tail is a boot, to kick the rump of the person who still has their head of their a**, in which case the kindest thing you can do is to kick them.
But this aforementioned approach doesn't apply to the elderly. The elderly cannot be held responsible for their actions, legally, even when they threaten to burn down their retirement residence. Yes, I've dealt with this level of kindness or rather its absence. Threats of arson are not typically viewed as a joke, or taken with a grain of salt. Residential homes and management staff take each threat seriously, and rightly so. If an elderly resident is physically abusive toward the staff, or other residents, they'll be evicted. And sometimes this means to be moved into Long-Term Care facility, where the room is puny, a single bed, and a TV and the washroom is down the hall, shared with patients.
Kind and kinder have two levels of existence. The first is what I hope to experience in every person as a default setting, to be kind as a matter of course vs kinder which is a refined state when someone stands out amongst the crowd: their natural state of mind is to be kind, no matter what occurs. It's as though these persons have secret access to a reservoir of patience, and this has been topped off with a dollop of whipped cream called kindness.
To comprehend the degrees of kindness, every young person, middle-age or even a tad older should make it a point of visiting a retirement home, something we're all naturally not predisposed to want to do because none of us wants to imagine the horror of ending up in one of these residential homes. You'll walk into one and immediately you'll be struck by the number of walkers... which are everywhere, and this is precisely how the elderly get around safely. Their balance is no longer strong or reliable. They can't and shouldn't leave their suites without the use of a walker. You may potentially encounter one who doesn't use a walker but they'll surely have a cane in hand instead. Just hope that you're not the object of their anger when you stroll on by, and they're watching you like a hawk.
"When I get past the age of 80 years, take me out to the back of the shed and just end it all," said another family member, and it was meant too, and it made me laugh and still does. Realizing that your time is finite, and will one day near its end, and hoping against hope that you'll have all your marbles in one bag, is another form of awakening—the type that tells you it's all about to come crashing down, to include the absence of your kindness. You won't make a mental note to stock up on kindness, any more than you'll remind yourself to be kind to each person you meet. The kindness will slip away quietly, without fanfare, the way your youth had disappeared, in a blink, while you were out gallivanting and thinking nothing of staying up until 6 am, only to begin the process all over again, to take advantage of the limitless reservoir of energy and enthusiasm, the literal definition of youth.
Don't kid yourself, however. Our young people are not necessarily noted for kindness. I had this discussion with one friend, who is science-minded and has a background in chemistry. We were discussing the nature of superstition and astrology and his feedback was that you don't see kids believing in the ridiculous notions that adults believe in, to which I pointed out that adults are the ones who teach kids compassion and kindness, because show me a playground of kids and I'll show you a playground of bullies who won't think twice about beating the snot out of a weak kid. Where is their kindness? I'll tell you where. Their brains have yet to fully develop, to mature. Kindness therefore is an expression of maturity, yet only to a point.
"Old age ain't for sissies," said Betty Davis, who was an American film actress, noted for playing unsympathetic characters. She understood this reality of the pains of getting older, when in her 90s. I cannot argue with the wisdom that an elderly person has acquired, though sadly we are often not interested in hearing what the elderly want to impart to us. Why? Because we're still considerably younger and arrogant enough to think that the elderly have nothing to teach us, and this in turns takes me back to the concept of kindness. Cruelty is the opposite of kindness and we don't reward kindness on the same level that we reward cruelty. Decision-makers, such as in the case of CEOs or multi-billionaires make financial decisions that will destroy families, the elderly, veterans and other vulnerable persons in society. Yet, their cruelty rewards them with higher profits. This illustrates vividly why there's no money in kindness.
There's a lot of controversy swirling around on the Internet these days about Canada's MAID program, which stands for Medical Assistance in Dying. Many podcasters in the USA are accusing Canada of killing perfectly healthy people, and this couldn't be further from the truth. This program has strict standards, and requires two separate medical assessments, over and above receiving full consent from the afflicted. MAID has been a legal option for the severely disabled and infirm since 2016. Patients must be of a sound mind, and submit the request themselves, to prove that they have a grievous and irremediable medical condition. A good example of this was a Canadian woman with ALS (Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis). This disease results in the muscles in your body, every single muscle (even the ones that control swallowing, blinking) will shut down to the point of the individual turning to stone. ALS destroys the neurons in their brain, collapsing all motor function. It's a horrible disease with no cure.
In 1991, a Canadian by the name of Sue Rodriguez had fought for the right for assisted suicide, and her plea for an assisted death went all the way to the Supreme Court, who ultimately ruled against her wish. In the end, her ALS condition that continued to worsen had prompted her to take her own life, with the assistance of an anonymous physician. I remember the interviews of her struggling to utter simple words but the impact of her statement was poignant, "I want to die before I'm not able to take my own life." ALS is an example of the justification for medical intervention that when an individual's disease has no cure, and only a terrible end, that granting these persons an assisted death to me demonstrates kindness.
Would you regard it as kind to keep them alive in order that you can feel good about yourself for doing so? Or, would you consider it an act of kindness to facilitate the end of their life while they're still of the mental capacity to make such a request? You have to work with your healthcare professional who will first try to offer other palliative or end-of-life options. But I know myself, and if I were in this position, without the use of my body where I would require machines to help me breathe, eat, swallow, and blink, for all intents and purposes I would view my medical condition as being dead, the lump of my body has just yet to finalize the process. Be kind to me then, and don't torture me by keeping me alive.
I also judge persons based on their kindness toward animals. Whenever I see anyone abusing their animal I will intervene, even at the risk of my bodily protection. It's none of my business, of course, to get involved but when I see dogs on a leash waiting for their owner outside a grocery store, and the dog looks petrified when their owner shows up, I draw the conclusion that they beat their dog. I've seen people with cats outside on a leash in brutal heat, and here again I'll approach them, to appeal to their sense of kindness to take the cat indoors into air conditioning. I lose my sh*t in instances like this, such as when idiots leave their dogs in cars with windows even half-way rolled down in a heat wave. I'll leave a note on their windshield, to insult their stupidity, and to point out that the kindest thing they can do is leave their pet at home in the air conditioning. Then, I'll offer water to the dog from my water bottle, and empty some onto the dog's head, to cool them down. If the car seat gets soaked, good. If the dog vomits all over the car seat, because it's body is reacting to the intense seat, even better.
Incidentally, k*lling anyone with kindness is a ruse of sorts in the workplace, when you're faced with sociopaths who'd think nothing of stabbing you in the back, in which case a dose of kindness might throw them all off. They don't trust you and you shouldn't trust them. Yet, it never hurts to practice kindness to the powers that be, if and when you have to make a case against the individual who isn't being kind to you.
I appreciate kindness but I've learned over the years that kindness is also a weapon, and it's used by the duplicitous persons of this world to misdirect their intentions, their true nature. Ever notice how people are extra-kind to you when they want something and rude toward when you've nothing to offer them?
May your upcoming weekend be kind to you and don't forget to be kind to the people whose lives you're able to impact, like your spouse, kids, your pets and your in-house help or caretakers.
None of us are ready. When I say this I mean without hesitation—not a single one of us is even remotely ready for getting older because none of us are in the habit of imagining what it will be like to get really old, so old and [possibly] decrepit that your basic senses have all been dulled, and parts of your body have long shut down years ago, along with what used to be your sunny disposition.
I didn't think this state of being 'old', or as I prefer to call the term 'older' or 'evolved' would take such a huge bite out of an elderly family member, without signaling to you specifically about whom I'm speaking. It's enough to acknowledge that dealing with an elderly individual is not a best-case scenario when their health and cognitive abilities are on the decline, on a sliding scale that is highly unlikely to turnaround in the opposite direction. I can only tell you with first-hand knowledge that their level of kindness, if it had existed at all in prior years, will all but evaporate.
Old age isn't kind to the old. Put that small tidbit and obvious piece of irony in your pipe and take a big haul.
A part of the elderly, well at least emotionally, is able to comprehend that they need to continue to be kind to the persons who arrive on-site to be of assistance. Nine times out of ten, however, their behavior toward these young persons and sometimes mature workers too is nothing short of rude, off-putting and downright mean. The individuals hired to provide help to them, as part of their job, are there to ensure they take a regular shower, get dressed, and to clean up after them, if an unanticipated mess has been made, such as not being able to move fast enough to get to the washroom, as well as to ensure their living quarters are neat and tidy. Only, these social workers are subjected to the rough moods of their clients. So when I take the time to explain to an elderly family member that the manner in which they're behaving toward these caretakers is horrible, and unnecessary, I end up making them feel like a heel, while I walk away with the same feeling that I, too, should have been more kind toward them.
Kindness is a coin with two sides; one heads and one tails and at the end of the tail is a boot, to kick the rump of the person who still has their head of their a**, in which case the kindest thing you can do is to kick them.
But this aforementioned approach doesn't apply to the elderly. The elderly cannot be held responsible for their actions, legally, even when they threaten to burn down their retirement residence. Yes, I've dealt with this level of kindness or rather its absence. Threats of arson are not typically viewed as a joke, or taken with a grain of salt. Residential homes and management staff take each threat seriously, and rightly so. If an elderly resident is physically abusive toward the staff, or other residents, they'll be evicted. And sometimes this means to be moved into Long-Term Care facility, where the room is puny, a single bed, and a TV and the washroom is down the hall, shared with patients.
Kind and kinder have two levels of existence. The first is what I hope to experience in every person as a default setting, to be kind as a matter of course vs kinder which is a refined state when someone stands out amongst the crowd: their natural state of mind is to be kind, no matter what occurs. It's as though these persons have secret access to a reservoir of patience, and this has been topped off with a dollop of whipped cream called kindness.
To comprehend the degrees of kindness, every young person, middle-age or even a tad older should make it a point of visiting a retirement home, something we're all naturally not predisposed to want to do because none of us wants to imagine the horror of ending up in one of these residential homes. You'll walk into one and immediately you'll be struck by the number of walkers... which are everywhere, and this is precisely how the elderly get around safely. Their balance is no longer strong or reliable. They can't and shouldn't leave their suites without the use of a walker. You may potentially encounter one who doesn't use a walker but they'll surely have a cane in hand instead. Just hope that you're not the object of their anger when you stroll on by, and they're watching you like a hawk.
"When I get past the age of 80 years, take me out to the back of the shed and just end it all," said another family member, and it was meant too, and it made me laugh and still does. Realizing that your time is finite, and will one day near its end, and hoping against hope that you'll have all your marbles in one bag, is another form of awakening—the type that tells you it's all about to come crashing down, to include the absence of your kindness. You won't make a mental note to stock up on kindness, any more than you'll remind yourself to be kind to each person you meet. The kindness will slip away quietly, without fanfare, the way your youth had disappeared, in a blink, while you were out gallivanting and thinking nothing of staying up until 6 am, only to begin the process all over again, to take advantage of the limitless reservoir of energy and enthusiasm, the literal definition of youth.
Don't kid yourself, however. Our young people are not necessarily noted for kindness. I had this discussion with one friend, who is science-minded and has a background in chemistry. We were discussing the nature of superstition and astrology and his feedback was that you don't see kids believing in the ridiculous notions that adults believe in, to which I pointed out that adults are the ones who teach kids compassion and kindness, because show me a playground of kids and I'll show you a playground of bullies who won't think twice about beating the snot out of a weak kid. Where is their kindness? I'll tell you where. Their brains have yet to fully develop, to mature. Kindness therefore is an expression of maturity, yet only to a point.
"Old age ain't for sissies," said Betty Davis, who was an American film actress, noted for playing unsympathetic characters. She understood this reality of the pains of getting older, when in her 90s. I cannot argue with the wisdom that an elderly person has acquired, though sadly we are often not interested in hearing what the elderly want to impart to us. Why? Because we're still considerably younger and arrogant enough to think that the elderly have nothing to teach us, and this in turns takes me back to the concept of kindness. Cruelty is the opposite of kindness and we don't reward kindness on the same level that we reward cruelty. Decision-makers, such as in the case of CEOs or multi-billionaires make financial decisions that will destroy families, the elderly, veterans and other vulnerable persons in society. Yet, their cruelty rewards them with higher profits. This illustrates vividly why there's no money in kindness.
There's a lot of controversy swirling around on the Internet these days about Canada's MAID program, which stands for Medical Assistance in Dying. Many podcasters in the USA are accusing Canada of killing perfectly healthy people, and this couldn't be further from the truth. This program has strict standards, and requires two separate medical assessments, over and above receiving full consent from the afflicted. MAID has been a legal option for the severely disabled and infirm since 2016. Patients must be of a sound mind, and submit the request themselves, to prove that they have a grievous and irremediable medical condition. A good example of this was a Canadian woman with ALS (Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis). This disease results in the muscles in your body, every single muscle (even the ones that control swallowing, blinking) will shut down to the point of the individual turning to stone. ALS destroys the neurons in their brain, collapsing all motor function. It's a horrible disease with no cure.
In 1991, a Canadian by the name of Sue Rodriguez had fought for the right for assisted suicide, and her plea for an assisted death went all the way to the Supreme Court, who ultimately ruled against her wish. In the end, her ALS condition that continued to worsen had prompted her to take her own life, with the assistance of an anonymous physician. I remember the interviews of her struggling to utter simple words but the impact of her statement was poignant, "I want to die before I'm not able to take my own life." ALS is an example of the justification for medical intervention that when an individual's disease has no cure, and only a terrible end, that granting these persons an assisted death to me demonstrates kindness.
Would you regard it as kind to keep them alive in order that you can feel good about yourself for doing so? Or, would you consider it an act of kindness to facilitate the end of their life while they're still of the mental capacity to make such a request? You have to work with your healthcare professional who will first try to offer other palliative or end-of-life options. But I know myself, and if I were in this position, without the use of my body where I would require machines to help me breathe, eat, swallow, and blink, for all intents and purposes I would view my medical condition as being dead, the lump of my body has just yet to finalize the process. Be kind to me then, and don't torture me by keeping me alive.
I also judge persons based on their kindness toward animals. Whenever I see anyone abusing their animal I will intervene, even at the risk of my bodily protection. It's none of my business, of course, to get involved but when I see dogs on a leash waiting for their owner outside a grocery store, and the dog looks petrified when their owner shows up, I draw the conclusion that they beat their dog. I've seen people with cats outside on a leash in brutal heat, and here again I'll approach them, to appeal to their sense of kindness to take the cat indoors into air conditioning. I lose my sh*t in instances like this, such as when idiots leave their dogs in cars with windows even half-way rolled down in a heat wave. I'll leave a note on their windshield, to insult their stupidity, and to point out that the kindest thing they can do is leave their pet at home in the air conditioning. Then, I'll offer water to the dog from my water bottle, and empty some onto the dog's head, to cool them down. If the car seat gets soaked, good. If the dog vomits all over the car seat, because it's body is reacting to the intense seat, even better.
Incidentally, k*lling anyone with kindness is a ruse of sorts in the workplace, when you're faced with sociopaths who'd think nothing of stabbing you in the back, in which case a dose of kindness might throw them all off. They don't trust you and you shouldn't trust them. Yet, it never hurts to practice kindness to the powers that be, if and when you have to make a case against the individual who isn't being kind to you.
I appreciate kindness but I've learned over the years that kindness is also a weapon, and it's used by the duplicitous persons of this world to misdirect their intentions, their true nature. Ever notice how people are extra-kind to you when they want something and rude toward when you've nothing to offer them?
May your upcoming weekend be kind to you and don't forget to be kind to the people whose lives you're able to impact, like your spouse, kids, your pets and your in-house help or caretakers.
