Blog Dis
Waiting in the wings...
2026-08-11
Men are a curious species. I'm not a man but I've lived with them since childhood into adulthood, and I've worked with men during my professional career. So when I refer to men as a curious species, it is from the perspective of another species scratching their head, while attempting to figure out why men do the things they do. It isn't always obvious to me. But then nothing is obvious about men, any more than what women do is obvious to them. We women are a curious species too.
Men are quick to state up front that they are simple creatures, ruled by their lusts for food, sex, and cars. I'd probably add into this equation their lusts for complete power and control, to dominate, by way of fighting, and this leads to destruction, as well as to engage in fun activities with other male friends. This brings me to the subject of men and their male friends, and after they die—how their best buddies will scoop up their widows for round two in life.
This isn't a post about pointing fingers. Rather, I speak from the experience of widows having shared their real life stories with me, and from whom a first-hand experience was re-told in such a natural state of mind that I walked away thinking what could be more natural. You see... men are very dear to one another, to their buddy network, and being able to acquire friends who are like-minded, who actively support their personal and professional endeavors. Women are no different. We too like our female network. There is one glaring difference, however. When a husband loses his wife, it's highly unlikely, at least to my knowledge, that the wife's girlfriends will make a play for the husband, even if they're single. I've heard this story I don't know how many times, that when a wife loses her husband, suddenly the closest friend of her deceased husband is there, to check up on them, to offer help to get over the loss of their beloved. Only later, the husband's friend reveals to his late friend's grieving widow that he's always carried a torch for her, and has been secretly in love with her for years, in some cases, and how he didn't intend to pursue a relationship with his best friend's wife, now a widow, until the moment presented itself when she became available.
Reverse-engineering masters is what I call men. 😂 Women can learn a lot from men. Women are just as smart and accomplished, and in many ways more educated then many up-and-coming young men. But women are less likely to move into the home of a girlfriend's house with her widowed husband, after their girlfriend passed on, the number reason being that she would insist on moving into a new home. I've yet to hear one story to this extent but I've heard of multiple instances when this occurred after a husband has died.
You may scowl at me all you want. These observations are not a personal reflection on you or my beliefs and interpretations. Stories abound, such as the real-life story of one woman whose husband up and left her suddenly for another younger woman, only for his best friend to admit to secretly loving her, then to pursue her. When they admitted to the former husband that they were an item, he was outraged, and felt betrayed by his former wife, and best friend, despite them having approached him with the truth, prior to taking their secret love into marriage-land. Years later, and after the former husband had re-married and divorced twice over, his new girlfriend and him became the best of friends with his former (first) wife and his former best friend, who became his best friend again, after all was forgiven.
Confused? 😇Love is circuitous. Love is capricious. Love is a crazy affair and it proves that there really is hope that all can work out, for those waiting in the wings to snatch up someone else's prize who no longer sees their former prize. However...
Love cannot exist in a vacuum. When we fall in love, our emotions get caught up in what some refer to as a state of 'limerence' which is an old term to refer to a love-dovey state of mind where you only see the best of your new love-object. Some also see this state of limerence as an intense form of romantic obsession. Then reality sets in, as reality is known to do. Married couples are guilty of becoming too comfortable, to allow their guard to falter, and they fall into the habit of taking each other for granted, to stop appreciating the little things their partner does for them. I've known many married couples who started out with the best of intentions, only for their individual behavior to work toward derailing the very love that had brought them to the point of wanting to seal the deal, to get married.
It's just the topsy-turvy world of love, marriage, denial and eventual break-up. Death of a spouse changes the landscape. The widow is left behind and this doesn't mean they are obligated to remain by themselves. Widows are entitled to love again, after their period of grieving allows them to move on, and none of us are in a position to deny them a new love, or to cast an opinion as to how long they must wait before moving on to someone else. In some cultures, Spanish, as an example, in older times a grieving widow was expected to lay low in society for two years after her husband died before it was considered acceptable to love another man.
So much poetry and music, painting and architecture, ancient mythology, has come into existence on the subject of love, to herald its power, and awesomeness in a life where we feel small by comparison, and too often downtrodden, until we are uplifted again by that feeling of loved shared between two persons.
Fast forward to our modern times, and all bets are off. A longtime friend of mine and I would speak plenty on the subject of love and relationships, to which we had both agreed we weren't relationship material. I still feel this way, and she did for the three decades I've known her, until that is... she and an ex-flame from decades earlier fell in love. Presto! That's the power of love. Uh-huh.
If you're one of the lucky ones who finds love in the first place, cherish it and hold on tight. Nothing in life is meant to last forever, and this includes you, your family and your dearest friendships. Why even your ideals and illusions will die, at some point in time in your life. There's really nothing you can do about it, until such time as you let go, knowing that you did your best to be true to the one you love.
And if by chance you should marry, and live the best of married lives, and your partner goes before you, open your mind to the potential concept that your widow may fall in love again, to feel alive, and how this expression of emotion is not the nail in the coffin of their past love for you. Their new love merely means they are still alive, not dead, and their need to feel again, to thrive is as natural as a wing taking flight.
Men are quick to state up front that they are simple creatures, ruled by their lusts for food, sex, and cars. I'd probably add into this equation their lusts for complete power and control, to dominate, by way of fighting, and this leads to destruction, as well as to engage in fun activities with other male friends. This brings me to the subject of men and their male friends, and after they die—how their best buddies will scoop up their widows for round two in life.
This isn't a post about pointing fingers. Rather, I speak from the experience of widows having shared their real life stories with me, and from whom a first-hand experience was re-told in such a natural state of mind that I walked away thinking what could be more natural. You see... men are very dear to one another, to their buddy network, and being able to acquire friends who are like-minded, who actively support their personal and professional endeavors. Women are no different. We too like our female network. There is one glaring difference, however. When a husband loses his wife, it's highly unlikely, at least to my knowledge, that the wife's girlfriends will make a play for the husband, even if they're single. I've heard this story I don't know how many times, that when a wife loses her husband, suddenly the closest friend of her deceased husband is there, to check up on them, to offer help to get over the loss of their beloved. Only later, the husband's friend reveals to his late friend's grieving widow that he's always carried a torch for her, and has been secretly in love with her for years, in some cases, and how he didn't intend to pursue a relationship with his best friend's wife, now a widow, until the moment presented itself when she became available.
Reverse-engineering masters is what I call men. 😂 Women can learn a lot from men. Women are just as smart and accomplished, and in many ways more educated then many up-and-coming young men. But women are less likely to move into the home of a girlfriend's house with her widowed husband, after their girlfriend passed on, the number reason being that she would insist on moving into a new home. I've yet to hear one story to this extent but I've heard of multiple instances when this occurred after a husband has died.
You may scowl at me all you want. These observations are not a personal reflection on you or my beliefs and interpretations. Stories abound, such as the real-life story of one woman whose husband up and left her suddenly for another younger woman, only for his best friend to admit to secretly loving her, then to pursue her. When they admitted to the former husband that they were an item, he was outraged, and felt betrayed by his former wife, and best friend, despite them having approached him with the truth, prior to taking their secret love into marriage-land. Years later, and after the former husband had re-married and divorced twice over, his new girlfriend and him became the best of friends with his former (first) wife and his former best friend, who became his best friend again, after all was forgiven.
Confused? 😇Love is circuitous. Love is capricious. Love is a crazy affair and it proves that there really is hope that all can work out, for those waiting in the wings to snatch up someone else's prize who no longer sees their former prize. However...
Love cannot exist in a vacuum. When we fall in love, our emotions get caught up in what some refer to as a state of 'limerence' which is an old term to refer to a love-dovey state of mind where you only see the best of your new love-object. Some also see this state of limerence as an intense form of romantic obsession. Then reality sets in, as reality is known to do. Married couples are guilty of becoming too comfortable, to allow their guard to falter, and they fall into the habit of taking each other for granted, to stop appreciating the little things their partner does for them. I've known many married couples who started out with the best of intentions, only for their individual behavior to work toward derailing the very love that had brought them to the point of wanting to seal the deal, to get married.
It's just the topsy-turvy world of love, marriage, denial and eventual break-up. Death of a spouse changes the landscape. The widow is left behind and this doesn't mean they are obligated to remain by themselves. Widows are entitled to love again, after their period of grieving allows them to move on, and none of us are in a position to deny them a new love, or to cast an opinion as to how long they must wait before moving on to someone else. In some cultures, Spanish, as an example, in older times a grieving widow was expected to lay low in society for two years after her husband died before it was considered acceptable to love another man.
So much poetry and music, painting and architecture, ancient mythology, has come into existence on the subject of love, to herald its power, and awesomeness in a life where we feel small by comparison, and too often downtrodden, until we are uplifted again by that feeling of loved shared between two persons.
Fast forward to our modern times, and all bets are off. A longtime friend of mine and I would speak plenty on the subject of love and relationships, to which we had both agreed we weren't relationship material. I still feel this way, and she did for the three decades I've known her, until that is... she and an ex-flame from decades earlier fell in love. Presto! That's the power of love. Uh-huh.
If you're one of the lucky ones who finds love in the first place, cherish it and hold on tight. Nothing in life is meant to last forever, and this includes you, your family and your dearest friendships. Why even your ideals and illusions will die, at some point in time in your life. There's really nothing you can do about it, until such time as you let go, knowing that you did your best to be true to the one you love.
And if by chance you should marry, and live the best of married lives, and your partner goes before you, open your mind to the potential concept that your widow may fall in love again, to feel alive, and how this expression of emotion is not the nail in the coffin of their past love for you. Their new love merely means they are still alive, not dead, and their need to feel again, to thrive is as natural as a wing taking flight.
